


Filling in the Blanks

by sadyshea



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Adorable, First Love, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadyshea/pseuds/sadyshea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a series conceived and composed to fill in the Jonnor blanks. As great as the Fosters is, it's leaves a lot up to the imagination in terms of Jonnor. My goal is to write those scenes that are missing to give Jonnor a fuller story by answering questions like: what happened in the tent? What happened after their second kiss? What happened in the hospital room? How did Connor come out to his Dad? It will not be in chronological order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Hospital Room

Jude feels his heartbeat quicken as he approaches the hospital bed. Connor is _okay._ When Jude heard the shot fired and the blood on the floor, he thought Connor was already gone. But here he is, and somehow, despite all the pain and craziness that’s happened, he’s smiling.

He’s smiling at Jude.

Silence hangs between the two as Jude finally settles next to Connor. There’s always been a form of unspoken communication between the two but right now, Jude has so much to say aloud. He wants to tell Connor how relieved he is, how scared he is but most importantly, how proud of Connor he is about being so brave and honest by telling his Dad the truth.

But before he says anything, Jude’s breath is swept away by Connor entangling their fingertips. It’s an innocent touch but it sends Jude’s heart into even more a flurry than before. This isn’t nerves though, this is something different and for once, Jude lets himself just experience it without letting confusion or guilt getting in the way.

Jude reminds himself that Connor wants this as much as he does.

Connor turns Jude’s fingertips gently, curiosity dancing in his eyes. “What’s this?”

Jude smiles down at the blue nail polish he applied that morning on a whim. “War paint.”

Connor’s eyes shine with something that Jude doesn’t know quite how to place. He’s not sure there’s a word in the English language for it but maybe he’s just being pretentious. But this look is singular, it is unique to Connor in a way that makes Jude wish he could kiss him right then and there without worrying that Connor’s father might burst in the doors and rip them apart for good.

A light tug from Connor has Jude crawling into the hospital bed next to his…. God, what is Connor to him now? He almost said it outside to Lena. Connor is more than just his friend, more than just his best friend (even thought that will always remain a part of it)… so what is he?

Connor chuckles as he stares at Jude, “You’ve got your worried face on it. It’s kind of adorable actually. What are you thinking about?”

How different it is that Connor can just throw around words like ‘adorable’ without a waver of his voice. Jude smiles and shrugs, “It’s not big deal. I was just thinking about stuff.”

Connor turns on his side to face Jude, intrigue etched on his face. “What kind of ‘stuff’?”

Jude sighs, “Just how complicated this all is. I mean, it’s great, don’t get me wrong. But there’s just so many factors to think about… like, what are we exactly? What will going back to school look like? Are you and Daria still a thing? Will she hate me for… I don’t know… taking you? I just… god, I don’t know. There’s so much-“

Connor gently pressing his lips against Jude’s cuts off Jude’s rambling. Much like their first two kisses, Jude’s mind instantly goes blank before realizing the reality of what is going on. But this kiss is different: it’s not full of questioning and confusion.

It’s an answer.

When Connor pulls away, he puts one arm under Jude, pulling Jude toward him so that Jude’s head rests on his chest. Connor hums blissfully and Jude is more than happy to listen to the steadiness of Connor’s heartbeat.

“I talked to Daria yesterday.” Connor explains and Jude prickles, thankful that Connor can’t see the distress in his eyes. “I explained everything that happened and that I just couldn’t pretend anymore. It wasn’t fair to use her like I was. I told her how I felt about you and how we’d kissed and… I told her that I know I’m gay.”

Jude sits up so he’s looking into Connor’s eyes again, “I can’t believe how brave you’ve been. You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“Y-yah.” Connor responds and Jude is shocked to see Connor’s eyes fill with tears. “You know I couldn’t have done this without you, right? Even if you don’t feel the same way about me, you still would have been there for me. You still would have stuck up for me to my Dad. You still would have made me understand that I should be proud of how who I am, no matter who I want to be with. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jude. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Jude feels a tear trail down his own face. He doesn’t bother to flick it away. “But I do feel the same way.”

Connor smiles as his tears subside, “I’m glad.”

“So…. Um, what does this make ‘us’ then?” Jude wonders, eyes falling to his lap as he blushes awkwardly.

Connor lifts Jude’s gaze again by guiding Jude’s chin gently upward, “It’s makes us an _“us”.”_

“But…” Jude murmurs and stops as Connor continues with a smirk, “I mean, if you want to get really technical about it and if anyone asks, we’re boyfriends.”

“If anyone asks?” Jude repeats incredulously. “You mean, you’re okay with telling other people?”

“Of course.” Connor nods confidently, lacing his fingers with Jude’s. “I mean, I might not go shouting it from the rooftops but that’s more because I know you would hate that.”

 Jude winces. “I really would.”

“I don’t care what people think of us.” Connor explains, running his free hand absentmindedly through Jude’s hair. “As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters. Not what my Dad thinks, not what other kids at school think… just as long as we know how we feel about each other.”

“Remind me.” Jude whispers before he even realizes the words have passed through his lips.

Connor obliges without missing a beat, “Gladly.”

Closing the space between them, Connor kisses Jude once again.

It’s amazing to Jude how quickly things can change, for the better or the worse. Jude knows what they have isn’t perfect but he doesn’t care. They’re Jude and Connor. They always have been and always will be in complicated simplicity.


	2. Two: In the Tent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's what I think happened in the tent. This is also a bit of a birthday gift for one of my beautiful friends, so enjoy!

The fire crackles and spit, the smoke making Jude squint as his eyes water because of the heat. He’s never really been camping before (unless you count the pillow forts he and Callie used to make in their foster homes when Jude couldn’t sleep) so the whole S’mores thing was a bit of a sensory overload. While he doesn’t exactly like sitting on a log, listening to different rounds of ’99 bottles of soda on the wall’, he can get into melted marshmallows stacked up with graham crackers and milk chocolate. It also helps that Connor’s sitting next to him, humming along with the campfire songs absentmindedly.

 

Lena is chatting with another teacher-chaperone across the fire and when she notices Jude’s gaze on her, she twiddles her fingers as a greeting and smiles. It’s nice to know that his Mom is only a couple of feet away unless he has one of his night terrors. Growing up as a foster kid taught Jude to always be on the alert, especially at night. He never knew when he was going to be yanked out of bed by a drunken foster parent or torn away from Callie at three in the morning because a social worker finally saw that that situation wasn’t working. Even now that he’s adopted and has the best family a kid could ask for, Jude still has the trauma to deal with and that shows up as night terrors which is why he was so hesitant to come on the trip in the first place.

 

Thankfully, Connor’s dad got over himself and let Connor and Jude share a tent. Setting up the tent was difficult but Connor and Jude make a good team. They had there’s up in minutes while the rest of their classmates too ages. Jude figures that Connor and he can do anything as long as they have each other.

 

The song ends and Lena stands up to her feet, “All right, kids. That’s the end of this evening’s activities. That means fifteen minutes until lights out. We’ll be coming around to do a head count and to make sure everyone’s where they’re mean to be.”

 

Excited chatter breaks through the crowd as the kids begin to make their way toward their tents. Jude has no doubt that there will be some sort of ‘break out of the tents’ scheme at some point but he doesn’t plan to be a part of it, especially not with his mom on the trip.

 

“Need a hand?” Connor asks, palm already extended toward Jude, who is still sitting down on the log.

 

“Sure.” Jude gives his best friend a small smile as he puts his hand into Connor’s.

 

Connor yanks Jude up to his feet and Jude ends up crashing into Connor. They both burst out laughing and linger that way for a moment, even after their laughter dissipates. Jude likes the close proximity and loves that Connor never shies away from it. Whenever they’re doing homework, playing video games or sitting next to each other in class, Connor is always right next to Jude, some part of them touching.

 

“We should probably get to the tent.” Jude mutters. “Curfew and everything.”

“You really like to play by the rules, don’t you?” Connor teases but begins to follow Jude without question.

 

Jude tenses slightly. It’s become intrinsic for Jude to follow the rules, mostly due to his upbringing. He never wanted to make a fuss or be a burden and doing what he’s told, when he’s told to ensured staying out of unnecessary trouble.

 

Connor notices how quiet Jude’s suddenly got and shares, “You know I didn’t mean that in a bad way, right? It keeps me out of trouble too, you know.”

 

Jude relaxes significantly. It seems like Connor always knows exactly what to say when Jude’s upset, even if Connor himself is the one who caused the upset. “Since when are you a troublemaker?”

 

“Maybe I’ll start tonight.” Connor waggles his eyebrows and Jude pushes him slightly, chuckling at his best friend’s ridiculous antics.

 

“My mom is here.” Jude warns, even though he knows Connor is just messing around. “This isn’t exactly the moment to start our rebellious streak.”

 

“Lighten up, man.” Connor claps one hand down supportively on Jude’s shoulder. “This trip is supposed to be fun, that’s what fieldtrips are for.”

 

Jude squirms out of Connor’s hold, “Seriously, Connor. I don’t want to mess this up. Your Dad barely let you come and getting him to let you share a tent with me was even harder. He thinks that I’m a bad influence on you.”

 

“I’d say it was the other way around.” Connor’s eyes are dancing with mischief.

 

Jude is frustrated and stops in his tracks, feet away from their shared tent. “It isn’t funny. I want to be friends with you, Connor and if we don’t take this seriously, your dad will have another excuse to keep us apart and I don’t want that.”

 

“I don’t either.” Connor replies anxiously, the smile gone from his lips.

 

Jude doesn’t like having conversations like these with Connor. They suck. But they had to be careful or their friendship would be torn apart again. Jude isn’t sure he can handle losing Connor for a second time.

 

“I’m sorry, Jude.” Connor apologizes and Jude feels immediately guilty for spoiling the fun. “We don’t have to worry about my Dad anyway because if he has a problem with you, he also has a problem with me.”

 

Jude’s just about to ask Connor what he means when Lena walks by and instructs, “Five minutes to be in your tent, boys.”

 

Connor gestures toward the tent, “After you.”

 

Jude laughs and unzips the tent before ducking inside. Connor quickly follows and asks, “Should we leave it open?”

 

“A little.” Jude shrugs, “For the headcount or whatever.”

 

Connor nods and zips it up so that there’s still a sliver of it open. Jude suddenly becomes painfully aware of how alone they are. Now, they’ve been left alone tons before but never in such tight quarters. Jude tries to ignore the fluttery feeling it gives him, reminding himself that while he might be questioning whether he likes guys or girls, Connor is mostly definitely straight. He also doesn’t want to feed the flame of hatred that Connor’s father has toward him, despite the fact that he knows that Connor will except him either way.

 

“So, um, how should we set up our sleeping bags?” Jude wonders, tugging his out from his camping backpack.

 

“Head to toe like we usually do?” Connor suggests casually.

 

Jude knows he’s overthinking everything. He takes a deep breath but starts when Lena unzips the door of the tent. “One, two.” She counts with a smile. “If you boys need anything, I’m just on the other side of the firepit, okay?”

 

“Thanks, Mom.” Jude murmurs. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too.” Lena greets before turning toward Connor. “Good night, Connor.”

 

“Good night, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Connor mutters, a nervous smile on his lips.

 

Lena zips up the tent and once again, the boys are left on their own. Connor lays out his sleeping bag and Jude follows suit. Connor pulls off his sweatpants and Jude quickly tears his eyes away from his best friend. Sure, they’ve changed in front of each other before but somehow today feels different. Jude isn’t sure it was such a good idea that they share a tent.

 

“I guess we should probably get to bed?” Jude suggests lamely, his voice shaking slightly as he gets into his sleeping bag.

 

“Oh, uh, okay.” Connor gets into his own sleeping bag and turns off his flashlight. “I guess we don’t have our iPads at our fingertips to mess with til three in the morning like we usually do.”

 

“Tomorrow’s a pretty full day anyway.” Jude explains and fakes a yawn. “And I’m beat.”

 

Connor squirms a little in his sleeping bag, knocking a leg into Jude. “Okay, well, uh, night.”

           

“Night.” Jude winces, feeling incredibly anxious as he wiggles away from Connor, leaving space between their sleeping bags.

 

Jude forces his eyes shut, sure he won’t be enjoying a good sleep that night.

 

+

 

Jude wakes up gasping, his brow moist with sweat. He starts when he sees that Connor is leaned over him, clutching his sleeping bag up in his fists and clenching his teeth to keep from screaming.

 

All he can remember is that something was chasing him, distancing himself further and further from his home, from his family, from Connor.

 

“You were crying out for something.” Connor explains, his voice wrought with concern. “Were you having a nightmare? Do you want me to get your Mom?”

 

“No, I mean, yah, I was.” The words fall out of Jude’s mouth anxiously. “But no, we can’t get my mom. She’ll want to send me home and I don’t want to ruin this trip.”

 

Connor bites his lip, wondering if he ought to ignore Jude’s request and get Lena anyway. Jude sees the contemplation in Connor’s eyes and grabs Connor’s hand, “Please, Con. Can we just keep this between us?”

 

Connor’s breath hitches when Jude slips his hand into his. “Um, well, okay. Do you want to at least talk about it?”

 

Jude shakes his head, “Let’s talk about something else. Anything.”

 

“Uh… well, I guess we’re staying up past curfew, huh?” Connor lamely rambles, desperate to distract his friend from the nightmare he’s woken from. “Plus, it’s your fault so that makes you the troublemaker.”

 

“Involuntarily so.” Jude grumbles, shimmying up into a sitting position. “It’s not like this was my evil plan to pretend to be the goody-goody and then fake a nightmare to wake us up in the middle of the night.”

 

Connor smirks, “You really are a goody-goody… but who even uses that word?”

 

“Me.” Jude responds in a mock defensive tone. “I use that word.”

 

“You’re kind of ridiculous.” Connor states, cocking his head to the side.

 

Jude shrugs, “It’s been said.”

 

A moment of silence hangs between the two boys. It’s then that Jude becomes painfully aware that Connor is still holding his hand. The weirdest part is that it feels perfectly natural, like Connor doesn’t think it’s weird at all. Jude glances down at their held hands, he can’t help it. Connor notices this and gently pulls his hand away.

 

“Sorry.” He mutters, “I, uh, kind of forgot it was still there. Sorry.”

 

Jude can sense his friend’s panic. The comforting handhold now made Jude feel guilty. He shouldn’t have enjoyed it. It doesn’t mean the same thing as it does to Connor. His best friend was just trying to comfort him and Jude is taking advantage of that. He wish there was better light in the tent so he could see the look on Connor’s face to see how he really feels, and yet at the same time he’s thankful he can’t see the disgust.

 

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Jude explains, suddenly feeling hollow. “I should be the one who’s sorry.”

 

“What?” Connor objects. “Why?”

 

“For making you share a tent with me, for making things difficult between you and your Dad, for waking you up in the middle of the night…” Jude trails off, words wishing they could slip through to share the truth with Connor but he can’t. “For making you feel like you always have to protect me. That’s not friendship, that’s… I don’t even know what it is. It isn’t fair to you.”

 

“Jude. Stop.” Connor urges, his voice trembling in a way that Jude can’t place as upset or anger.

 

“You know you don’t have to be my friend, right?” Jude blurts out and even though he slightly regrets it, the words need to be said. “No one’s forcing you.”

 

“I protect you because I care about you!”

 

Connor’s words hang thick in the air. Jude isn’t sure how to interpret them, as there’s heaviness behind them that he’s not familiar with. Connor is never serious unless he’s mad about something or trying to comfort Jude. This is neither of those moments.

 

“But I make things so complicated…” Jude stares down at his lap, unable to stand making eye contact with Connor.

 

“I don’t care.” Connor states plainly. “I don’t care…. I need to be your friend, no matter what the circumstances. I can’t lose you again.”

 

Jude’s breath hitches at Connor’s admission. Again, Jude is sure he’s reading into his friend’s words but something just feels different about this conversation, there’s a certain vulnerability to Connor’s responses that make the exchange feel.. Important.

 

“You never lost me.” Jude assures Connor. “You could never lose me, I’m right here.”

 

“I know.” Connor voice wavers with doubt. “It just feels so temporary, like we won’t ever be _here_ again.”

 

“Um, well, we could have always plan another…” Jude is cut off by Connor moving closer. The words completely escape him.

 

“I don’t mean, here here. I mean… like, us… just the two of us… here…” Connor is barely making any sense but somehow Jude follows, nodding his head as his friend rambles. “I just think we should… god, I dunno…”

 

“Make the most of it?” Jude suggests anxiously.

 

Connor smiles, “Yah…”

 

Jude’s heart begins to race. “Um, okay… I mean, if you really want to go out and find…”

 

“I mean… the fact that we’re alone…” Connor explains and Jude’s mouth grows dry.

 

The air in the tent is thick with tension and confusion. Part of Jude wants to run away and gulp down some fresh air for some clarity but another part of him wants this moment to last forever, as it feels it could be a rare one.

 

Jude stammers, “Maybe we could just….I mean, do you want to talk…”

 

And just like that, Connor is kissing him.

 

It’s a chaste kiss but the weight behind it is undeniable. The nerves and confusion quickly leave Jude’s mind, leaving behind a simple answer: Connor feels the same way.

 

Just as quickly as it began, it’s over. Connor pulls away and puts a hand over his mouth, “Oh my god…. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

 

Connor begins to scramble to his feet, ready to run from the tent to escape the reality of what just happened. The worst part is that Connor seems to think that Jude didn’t want it too.

 

Jude quickly reaches out to keep Connor put. Connor stares at him with a terrified look in his eyes. Jude murmurs, “It’s okay.”

While it could have meant a million things, Connor instantly understands Jude and relaxes significantly. His nerves are still apparent in his eyes and he’s still trembling but at least he doesn’t look as if he’s about to be sick.

 

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Connor’s eyes are cast toward the ground.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Jude mutters, a little bit disappointed by the aftermath of the kiss. “But you have to know that it’s okay.”

 

Jude isn’t sure that it’s the right time to elaborate on how he feels. Connor seems so surprised by his own actions to have a proper conversation about it. Jude sighs and begins to lie back down, his head spinning with confusion again after the clarity of the kiss. It stung.

 

A few moments later, Connor silently pulls his sleeping bag over so that his head is next to Jude’s. He gently lies down, facing Jude who isn’t sure whether he should look away or not. Jude tries desperately to keep his breath even.

 

Connor leans forward so that they’re foreheads are touching, bowed to meet one another. A wave of relief rushes through Jude. _They’re going to be all right, no matter what the kiss means._

Just as Jude fades gently back into the darkness of sleep, he hears Connor murmur, “I can’t lose you…”

 

 

 


End file.
